i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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