As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
