She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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