Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
