If that was your dad, he is hot
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize