I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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