The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
