either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Someone signed my nipple.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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