Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
