Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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