If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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