How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
