I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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