She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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