Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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