this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
