Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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