Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
