I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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