glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
