New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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