I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
