R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just cut my nipple shaving
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize