all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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