I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
