are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
