What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
