it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I am midnight drunk by noon
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
