You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
