Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
