you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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