That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
