He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
