mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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