I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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