Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
