this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So. Much. Porn.
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