i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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