3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this will be a night to untag.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize