i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Boobs are out for the taking
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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