Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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