Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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