wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
