ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
