Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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