Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
