The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
