You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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