I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
