Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize