youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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