I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
