glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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