tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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