she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
