if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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