i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
