You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
