and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
