There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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