Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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