im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
