dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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