So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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