Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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