I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
