i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
